Health and Fitness

Love and Loss

Losing a loved one is linked with the utmost range and realization of emotions.

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Grave expressions, somber moods, unbearable abandonment, nonstop confusion, all set in the moment when time seems to defiantly pause.

No event could possibly prepare you for the grieving process. The moments of denial, anger, sadness, pleading flip flop day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes, even minute to minute. Just when you think you’ve found some sort of peaceful acceptance, the tender and raw emotions build up against the dam and flood your mind, drowning any remaining happiness.

You were my rock. You were my friend, my boyfriend, the keeper of secrets, the adventurous spirit that complemented mine, the knowledge, and my everything else. A loving and patient genius who I was lucky to have.

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Time, I’ve been told is the best healer. Never one to wish away the moments, I’m learning to have faith in time while also staying present, especially in the midst of all my travels.staying_present

The mornings are always the hardest. I always read about protagonists waking up in the morning, uttering, “oh, it wasn’t just a dream,” and not wanting to even get out of bed. Each day, the blanket feels ten pounds of warmth, and getting out is the utmost of challenges.

I do though. I get up, and start my day. It’s what must be done.

I do it for him. I do it for my family. I do it for my friends. I do it for myself.

Grant

Taking a break from touring, I’m fortunate to be spending this week with my family, showered in love and support. We are in Seattle for my cousin’s wedding at the Fairmont Hotel. I must say the big comfy white bed is quite consoling.

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I’m happy to be with my family, trying to see the beauty and make the best of the situation in this game of life.

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Focusing on the color in a painfully boring sport. It was weird not texting him about having to go to another stupid baseball game. I miss him so much.

How do you get through such a devastating situation? Belief and spirituality. I truly believe that Grant is not gone; he is off exploring, opening new doors and finding more adventures.

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grant_and_faulknerI continue to remember the amazing times we had together and his unique wit.

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I cry and feel, because that’s what needs to be done.

Rest in peace Grant Oakes Green, my love. (Obituary here)

For today, hold tight to your loved ones.

18 Comments

  • Brittany

    What a beautifully written post. I felt every emotion you were sharing, but cannot fathom the deep feelings that come with a loss like this. Time really is a magical thing, and while we must let it work its wonder, you must always allow yourself to feel. Feel the emotions as they come, and work through each and every one. I admire your optimistic spirit, and can see why Grant adored you so much, you two complimented each other well. You will continue to carry a piece of him with you wherever you go, live life to the fullest for the both of you!!! HUGSSS MY FRIEND! See you soon. <3

  • Kate @ Baking in Yoga Pants

    I’m so sorry, Alex. My heart hurts for you as I read this. I lost my brother 10 years ago, and while every situation is different, the feelings of sadness and grief are shared. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. This post was a beautiful way to honor a beautiful life.

  • Nicole

    Alex, I am deeply sorry for you loss! This is a difficult time for you, but I know you will get through it from the comfort of God and Grants love for you. Stay strong and embrace everyday- he would want that! xoxo hugs to you!!

  • beth

    This was beautiful Alex! I HATE that you’re going through this. You are a strong person and as horrible as it is, you WILL get through it – Grief is tough, time DOES heal!! Just keep EMBRACING life like you do! We ALL benefit SOO MUCH from that energetic, lively, excited, full-of-life spirit of yours ~ and are ALL here for you!!! LOTS OF BIG HUGS & PRAYERS for you!

  • Leslee @ Her Happy Balance

    I am so, so sorry, Alex. I just lost someone who was my world as well. I won’t say I know how you feel, it’s definitely different for everyone, but I can understand your pain on some level. Hold really tightly to all of the memories. Spend as much time as you can with family. He most definitely is not gone. I’m sure he is surrounding you each and every moment. Look for signs. If you ever need someone to email or talk to, I would be happy to be that person. I know we are just blog friends, but sometimes it helps. Your post about Grant was really beautiful. I am so sorry of this loss.

  • GG

    I am so sorry for your loss Alexandra. Although, I did not know him, he seemed to be an amazing man. He will live on in your memories and he has forever changed you with your melded experiences. You are right, when I read this it made me realize how sudden, how tenuous and fragile life can be and to, everyday, try harder, be more loving, more honest with my feelings and to honor and cherish the ones I love in my life. I pray for you in your time of pain and sorrow. Keep writing, keep creating, keep living this abundant life and be healthy and well. Peace to you and your family

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